Why I Don’t Teach You to “Control” Your Emotions (and What I Teach Instead)

“So, why not talk more about controlling your emotions?”

Well, I’m so glad you asked that! controlling your emotions is all about pushing them down, suppressing them. This is an amazing feature that is built into all new humans. It’s handy when we’re running from a bear, or stuck in traffic behind the guy that just won’t! drive faster, or trying to wrangle 3 tired and hungry kids… 

But the reason behind this handy ‘put-it-on-hold-until-after-the-crisis’ feature is so that we can get to a safe place and then come back and process our emotion. The trouble is that we as a people, the world over, have largely forgotten how to process emotion. We think having a drink at the end of a hard day, or going for a run, smashing things, or complaining to a friend is what’s needed. 

Once the crisis has passed, you’re supposed to come back to those emotions and actually process them. That’s where we tend to go off the rails.

Most of us? We’ve forgotten how to do that.

The Real Problem Isn’t the Feeling — It’s Avoiding It

Here’s what happens instead: we avoid our emotions, distract ourselves, or react to them in ways that don’t help. We think having a drink after a hard day, smashing things, or venting to a friend is what we’re supposed to do. But those things aren’t processing emotions. They’re ways to not feel them.

Let me be clear: the goal isn’t to feel good all the time. That’s impossible (and honestly, it’s not the point of being human). The goal is to feel what you feel — fully, deeply, and without judgment. That’s it.

When we stop allowing ourselves to feel, we disconnect from ourselves. And not just from the emotions — we lose touch with the signals our emotions are trying to send us. Over time, this disconnection gets so deep that we can’t even tell the difference between the symptom and the real problem.

So, no. I don’t teach people to control their emotions.

So, What Do I Teach?

I don’t teach people to control their emotions. I teach them how to come back into connection and alignment with themselves. When you learn to do that, here’s what happens:

• You stop being scared of your emotions.

• You stop feeling like you need to “fix” them.

• You start to see emotions for what they are — just feelings, passing through like waves in the ocean.

In my own life, this shift has been huge. I’ve learned to tap into a deep well of joy whenever I need it. I don’t fear my tears any more than I fear my laughter because I know both are part of the same beautiful, messy human experience.

It also means that when you are upset, hurting, scared, angry, whatever it is that you’re feeling - I can hold space for you, without judgement, to feel what you need to feel. I am not intimidated or threatened by your emotions because I am very clear on the fact that they are yours. I don’t need to take them on, or fix them. I’m just hear to witness, to understand, to offer comfort or encouragement. And to help you move through those emotions instead of getting stuck in them. And that clarity makes all the difference.

Want to Learn How to Do This Too?

If this idea of reconnecting with your emotions resonates with you, let’s talk. I’m here to help you navigate your feelings, process them, and finally move through them instead of getting stuck.

You deserve to feel. You deserve to be fully human. And I’m here to support you every step of the way.

Talk soon,

Kelly

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