Why Do Women Feel “Not Good Enough” Despite Doing So Much for Everyone Else?

“You don’t matter. You’re just here to take care of everyone else. Especially me and what I want.”

That was the message I heard as a young woman, married at 18, with three children by the time I was 24.

“I used to have a name. Now, I’m just the wife and the mother.”

That’s the thought that reverberated through my head as I stood at the back of the church on my first Mother’s Day, holding my beautiful baby son. I felt forgotten, unseen. Like my whole life had been whitewashed over to look good for someone else.

So, if our reality is what we create—and I believe it is, with a few caveats—then what brought me to that place, where I was not only hearing those messages but accepting them? Living them? What was holding me there?

For me, a lot of it was my religious beliefs, which I now see as every bit as abusive and destructive as the narcissistic abuse I was also living with. But we all have different stories, and somehow, as women, we keep coming back to this place: “Not good enough.” Doing for everyone else, but abandoning ourselves because we don’t believe we are important enough to protect.

Here’s the good news: Regardless of how we get there, there is a way out. We can take our power back. We can own our journey. And when we do, everything changes.

I was married for 28 years. I lived most of that—and my childhood before it—in a religious environment that was outwardly kind and loving, while I walked a tightrope of emotional stress and trauma, trying not to be judged, trying not to fail.

The consequences were too high, and I knew that if I failed, I would lose everything. I was right—in some ways. And so very wrong in others.

Jumping off that tightrope not only saved my life, it brought me back to myself.

It didn’t happen overnight. The transformation was messy, and at times it felt like I was crawling through the dark. But what I found on the other side was so worth it.

• Peace: I stopped holding my breath, trying to please everyone else, and finally exhaled. It felt like reclaiming my body and my mind after years of trudging through a snowstorm where all I could see was the next step.

• Clarity: Decisions that used to paralyze me became simple when I started trusting my own voice.

• Confidence: I began to believe in my own worth—not because I was perfect, but because I was me. I learned to own my thoughts and emotions instead of giving control of them to people who had no business there.

• Joy: Now, I’m able to tap into a deep well of joy inside of me whenever I need to.

  
  

That was the beginning of my journey into learning that I am not only good enough, but that who I am is pretty fabulous. That was the beginning of taking my power back. Owning my life. Choosing to live my life instead of letting others dictate it for me.

And here’s what I’ve seen again and again: When women take back their power, they thrive.

• They build lives filled with purpose and alignment.

• They make decisions from a place of strength instead of guilt or fear.

• They set boundaries with love, knowing they’re honoring themselves and others.

• They finally feel like they’re living instead of just surviving.

So, back to the original question: Why do we believe we’re not good enough despite doing so much for everyone else?

Because we are taught that. Because our parents and teachers believe it about themselves and pass it on to us. But that doesn’t mean we have to stay there.

We get to take it back. We get to own all of the beautiful mystery of being a woman. Yes, we take care of people because we love them—not because we’re not good enough to do anything else. Clearly, we are also doing the “anything else” part as well.

So, let’s start with the first step. Go to that place in you where you feel you’re not good enough. What does it feel like?

Feeling the feelings instead of avoiding them is always the first step.

Next? What gift do you have for that part of you today? What piece of the energy of life can you impart today? Is it just a hug? An “I’m here”? Or is there something else that you have now that you didn’t have then, that you can offer?

Sit with this for a while. Take some time to feed that part of your soul.

Imagine what’s possible for you when you start taking these steps:

• You feel lighter, as if a weight you’ve been carrying for years has been lifted.

• You walk through your days with a sense of calm and focus, knowing you’re showing up as your true self.

• You feel empowered to take on new challenges because you trust yourself to handle them.

This isn’t just a pipe dream—it’s what happens when you begin reconnecting with yourself and trusting your own journey.

I’d love to hear how this lands for you. Drop a comment below or send me a message.

And as always, if you’d like some help with these things, please get in touch. You are not alone. You don’t have to go through this journey alone.

I have some free resources for you here: Gimme the Free Stuff!

If you’d like to talk about how I can help further, you can book a free, no-strings, no-pressure call here: Let's Chat!